Hi there! My name is Hilary and I am fortunate enough to
have been asked by Jenn and Dave to contribute to their blog. I am currently finishing my internship
under Jenn to complete my Diploma in Exercise and Wellness, so along with my
own athletic and personal journeys, I would like to share the unique
perspective of learning from and being mentored by Coach Swagar. For my first post, I would like to
offer a brief intro to my story and where I am at currently to better frame the
path I am on and the person I am striving to become.
On High Fashion
I spent my key developmental years working as a high fashion
model, scouted at the young and impressionable age of thirteen. Luckily I have great parents who had
instilled in me strong values, which kept me out of trouble for the most
part. However, by the time of my
‘retirement’ at age twenty, I had accumulated a nice little collection of
neuroses; I was struggling with bulimia, substance use, depression, and
paralyzing anxiety, and had no understanding of my true worth as a person. I was completely incapable of making
even the simplest decision on my own, as I didn’t trust my own judgment. I decided to go back to school, and
after upgrading my sciences and receiving some pretty spectacular
psychotherapy, dabbled in psychology, sciences, and nursing. I was hanging in there pretty ok, but
was still tormented by my lack of purpose and worth.
On Kick Boxing & CrossFitting
At the time I was still seeking any new means to make myself ever thinner, and with that goal in mind, I decided to try kickboxing. What I encountered at my first kickboxing class could not have been farther from the fat burn I was seeking. Instantly my body was redrafted with new purpose, no longer esteemed on its aesthetic principles, but rather celebrated through the fundamental splendor of functional athletic movement. Where before I worshipped a wilted, weakened physique, I now hungered after muscle. As a model, comments on the increasing size of my arms or shapeliness of my thighs would have shattered the carefully constructed image I believed I inhabited. However, as an athlete, these spoke to newfound capacities to kick harder, punch faster, and push past my previous physical limits. After just under year of training I took my first kickboxing fight and was hooked. I am now preparing to debut in mixed martial arts, and have aspirations of fighting at a championship level.
At the time I was still seeking any new means to make myself ever thinner, and with that goal in mind, I decided to try kickboxing. What I encountered at my first kickboxing class could not have been farther from the fat burn I was seeking. Instantly my body was redrafted with new purpose, no longer esteemed on its aesthetic principles, but rather celebrated through the fundamental splendor of functional athletic movement. Where before I worshipped a wilted, weakened physique, I now hungered after muscle. As a model, comments on the increasing size of my arms or shapeliness of my thighs would have shattered the carefully constructed image I believed I inhabited. However, as an athlete, these spoke to newfound capacities to kick harder, punch faster, and push past my previous physical limits. After just under year of training I took my first kickboxing fight and was hooked. I am now preparing to debut in mixed martial arts, and have aspirations of fighting at a championship level.
For me, the technical martial training is the easy
part. Because I have only recently
undergone the transformation into an athlete, the mental toughness and will to
undergo strenuous physical exertion is where I encounter my greatest
struggles. What I love most about
CrossFit (which I am still very
new to) is the same thing that I hold most dearly about martial arts: I am
constantly having to confront my weaknesses. This body of mine has already proven itself to be capable of
things I never dreamt possible, instead it’s my mind that limits me. I was honestly the last person you ever
would have thought capable of doing a pushup, let alone chasing elite
athleticism in the name of stepping into a cage to challenge another person
fist-to-face. I have found that my
greatest opponent is not to be found in the ring but in the mirror, and I am
discovering my ability to wage war.
Where I seek to go, there is no faking it; I must continually allow my
weaknesses to be exposed and chipped away. And I do, everyday.
Every time I choke back tears of fear or frustration in the ring, or
swallow the rising panic and drowning sensation mid-Fran, and pick the bar up
again. ;)
